My dad turned 89 today. I have to admit that I had to drum up the nerve to go see him. This may be his last birthday we celebrate. He has had good days and bad days lately and I do worry about him. It is so hard to see your dad who was your defender all of your life to become so helpless. I know it has to be hard for him, but part of the beauty of growing old is that it doesn’t matter anymore. He just knows that he is being taken care of, being fed, and being kept clean.
I have so many memories of my dad—you see I was always a daddy’s girl. All of my life I thought my mother was the “bad” one. She was so rigid and my dad was the one I could talk to and be more comfortable with.
When my mother got so bad and I had to put her in the hospital and from there assisted living—my dad became very angry at me. I told him that I didn’t like the way things are either. It was so hard for either of us to handle. I can remember another time when my dad and I had a hard time coping. My mother had gone in for a colonoscopy and the doctor called in by her bed to tell us the results. I’ll never forget when the doctor said “cancer” and he had to operate immediately. My dad and I went to pieces and my mother sailed through the entire thing so calmly. They caught the cancer in time and she never had radiation or chemo. I asked my mother later how she was able to cope with the news of having cancer. Her answer to me was that she knew what she was coping with. She told me it’s the “unknown” that is hard to handle.
When my husband was dying of cancer, he was so happy and he told me that it was ok—that everybody has to take their own turn at dying. I know that we have to take our own turn, but it’s so hard for the people who are left behind.
I’ve had it pretty lucky all of my life. I was never around anyone whom I was really close to who died. A lot of my relatives died when I was a teenager and it’s really different when you’re that age. There’s not a day that goes by now that I don’t think of my husband and my mother. I miss both of them, but I also miss my dad as I remember him before he got in this condition.
Well, my dad was really in good spirits today. I gave him a birthday card with a cat on it that was a cross between Booger and Sparky (two cats he used to have) and on the inside the cat had given him a “hairball.” He laughed. My cousin Leon called and I put him on my speaker phone while he sang “Happy Birthday.” I asked my dad if he knew who that was and he said Leon with a big smile. You always smile when you get that birthday phone call from Leon! Saturday we’re going back—Christi and family and I are all going and I’m going to make one of my dad’s favorites—chocolate chiffon pie with whipped cream!
Happy Birthday Daddy
Dr, 8/18/11
