December 2015

This year I actually decorated for Christmas--not just a tree but my whole living room and outside too. I've had mixed emotions this month. My dad died December 21, 2011. I just can't believe he has been gone four years already. I went through Christmas that year not being able to have his funeral until December 27. I hear of so many people losing their loved ones this time of year and I know how hard it is. I sometimes wonder why we have to experience such grief. I do know that life goes on and we can truly be happy again. When my cousin died two years ago, I didn't know what I would do because he helped me with my house. That was my wakeup call to get my act together and sell my house. I really miss that house, but I'm so happy that now a family is in it. It has been quite an adjustment for me to get used to living in the "city" again. I love the convenience, and it's usually only five or ten minutes to get home again. I never realized how much time I spent on the road going to and from my house. I have so much to be thankful for this Christmas. My address is "8" which means "a new beginning." I never realized that my life this year is truly made up of new beginnings--new state, new house, new car, and a new someone in my life. Yes, God is good. DR 12/18/15

Stocking Full of Love

I really didn't know what to expect when I agreed to help with the "Stocking Full of Love." We got to Lafayette High School around 11 a.m. The first job was to have an assembly line to make the lunch bags for the bikers. There were several high school students and their teacher and Mrs. Land from Land's Bakery who instructed us on what to do. We made about 500 bags which had a napkin, Little Debbie, and a bag of chips. The next job was to wrap the hot dogs. I've never seen so many wieners and buns in one place. Again, we had an assembly line. We weren't entirely ready when the bikers arrived. They had met at Ridgeland High School and each one had a new toy for a child for Christmas. How I would loved to have seen those 392 bikers coming to Lafayette High School. I posted pictures yesterday, but I cannot begin to tell you how I felt inside to see the love that went into yesterday's event. They filled a trailer with the toys and some boys and girls are going to be so happy this Christmas. Thank you Ron for inviting me to participate. DR 11/9/15 "

Downsizing

I'm a real estate agent. I have helped a lot of people "downsize". I actually thought the term a really good one, that is, until it happened to me. Downsizing. I'm back into my boxes in the garage. What do I do with all of this "stuff"? I remember one time when my husband asked our CPA how long we should keep our tax records. David said at least seven years to be safe. Charles said, So Diane can start getting rid of her taxes from 1963???? Yes, that's me. Pack rat who saves every receipt. When I moved, it just got to be too much to sort and Nancy and I just started throwing everything into boxes. The sad part is that I had been doing that for the past year. I know the guy at the dump wondered how I accumulated so much junk. My Dodge Ram Quad Cab truck was always packed. Well, here I am at it again. Should I keep, should I throw away? It's kind of like, well I haven't seen the stuff in the past 20 years, but I think I'm going to need it. My office right now barely has a little walkway to my chair. I'm surrounded by boxes of probably nothing I will ever need the rest of my life. I could put all of this in the attic and leave it for Christi to go thru. I can't put that off on her. And you know, there are still some things that I cannot find. I know where they used to be in the other house, but where they are now, no one knows. All I can say is, I hate that word "Downsizing." DR 10/21/15

September 1, 2015

Today, 31 years ago was one of the happiest days of my life. When you get married, you think it will be forever. In your marriage vows you say "until death do you part", but at that time you really don't think about it. I can tell you it's a different life. I'm thankful I had 25-1/2 years with Charles. Before we got married I told him that there were two things I didn't want in our vows. I would never be submissive and I would never obey. He looked at me and laughed and said, I don't want you to. I want you to learn to be independent and do things on your own. I thought, hmmm, this man is a keeper. I can say it's easy to be submissive and obey when you're in the right relationship. It's a two way street. I guess the first big thing Charles taught me was when I took my first airplane trip to Dallas. He wanted me to go to a big conference by myself. I talked about it so much that my friend, Cherry, told me that she would go with me to that thing in Dallas if we could visit South Fork. At that time the TV series, Dallas, was really a big hit. I said ok. Little did I know then that Cherry and I neither one have any sense of direction. We rented a car and how we found South Fork I'll never know. When we got ready to go to the airport, I was dreading the trip because I was afraid we would get lost. GPS was not available back then. When I came around the hotel to pick Cherry up, she had a woman with her and told her she could go to the airport with us. I'm sure that woman wishes she had never set foot into our car. Yes, we did get lost inside the airport trying to find the Hertz rental car place. Cherry said, I'll pray and you drive. About that time, a Hertz bus showed up and Cherry said follow that bus. When we stopped, that lady got out and I think she ran. We never saw her again. But, I'll never forget the look on Charles' face when I left. He looked like, what am I making her do. I learned on that first trip that I love to fly. I called him as soon as we landed and told him everything was fine and I loved the plane ride. He seemed so relieved. Charles was my husband, my lover, my best friend, my cheer leader, my counselor and I could go on and on. He had faith in me that I could do things that I didn't think I could do. He taught me so many things but he never taught me how not to be lonely, how not to miss him, but because of him I knew that I could make it. Jeremiah 29:11 kept showing up to me in so many ways after he died. I kept asking God--what are you trying to tell me???? I know now that this verse shows up at times when I need it. Times when I know that God is telling me He still has plans for me. Will I ever love again? I don't know. I would like to think so. I do know that no one can ever replace Charles. I know I'm not looking for someone just like him. I want to keep him the unique, special person he was to me. I can honestly say he was the great love of my life. DR 9/1/15

National Dog Day, 2015

Today was National Dog Day. I've done a lot of thinking about my Yorkie, Chloe, today. I got her a little less than two weeks before my husband died five years ago. My dog, Tag, had just died and I didn't want another dog. We had had Tag 11-1/2 years. Tag died a day after my mother died. But, Charles begged me to get Chloe and he even named her. After he died, Chloe was my comfort. I cried myself to sleep every night and she would lick my tears. Chloe was there for me every minute of every day while I grieved. I have had dogs all of my life, but I have to admit that Chloe is more spoiled than any dog I've ever had. I have loved every dog. You know you can be so upset and walk in the door and when that little dog is jumping up and down and so happy to see you, all the upsetting goes away. Yes, they are a lot of trouble. They require a lot of care. So many times, I wish Chloe could talk. And then again, I'm glad she can't. Oh the secrets she could tell about me. It's nice to have a friend that will never tell on you. National Dog Day is really National Friend Day for me. DR 8/26/15

The Number "8"

A lot has been going on in my life this year. I sold my home and had a house built. It was really hard for me to leave the home that Charles and I built. I had so many memories there. I knew after my cousin died that I could not keep that house up, so that was my wake up call to leave. Charles had begged me before he died to sell it. He knew that it would be difficult for me to maintain. I always dreaded summer because of the two acres that had to be mowed. Anyway, I was at the new location and my builder told me that he had my address. I said ok, what is it? He said "8". I already knew the street name. I told him I had never had a single digit number for an address. I thought to myself why couldn't it be 7. In the Bible that means completion of man. I was telling my friends Jeanie and Nathan, and Nathan told me what the number "8" means. He said it means "new beginning." I have to say it gave me chills. How ironic. Yes, this year has been "a new beginning." Even at my age, a new beginning for me. I also traded my car and truck and bought a new car. Everything in my life is new. I can't say it has been easy, but I think Charles would be proud. He taught me well. He taught me how to be independent and take care of myself, but he didn't teach me how to not be lonely. I do thank God everyday for my friends and family. Don't ever think you are too old for a new beginning and a chance to start over. DR 5/3/15

Goodbye

I’m not very good at saying goodbye. And there are all sorts of goodbyes. The worst goodbye is the final one. I’ll never forget the day the Hospice nurse told me that Charles go at any time. That was the only day we couldn’t communicate. He could hear me and he tried so hard, but couldn’t. Debbie had gone home to get a shower and sleep some, and so I put my arms around him and I told him how much I loved him and that it was time for him to go. He had suffered long enough. I then went through all the things that he had worried about leaving me with. I even lied about a few of them and told him they had been taken care of. It was the hardest goodbye I ever did. I knew I would never see him alive on this earth again. All I would have would be memories, and yes, I have many good ones. I’m thankful that I did get to tell Charles goodbye. So many of my friends never had that chance. I just don’t know how that feels. Then there was a goodbye I shared last night. My youngest grandson has left for the Marines. I am so proud of him. He’s going to be the best looking Marine ever. I told him that of all the militaries, I love the Marine uniform the best. I looked at him and he is so young. Too young to drink and vote, but not too young to defend our country. I told my daughter that he will be back. I know it’s hard for his parents. The oldest just got married, and now the youngest has left for boot camp. In this life, we have so many difficult things we have to do, but I think the hardest thing we do is say goodbye. DR 1/11/15