I’ve been thinking a lot about family lately. On my dad’s side, there is no one left but me and my daughter. Everyone is gone. I can’t imagine how he must feel outliving everyone in his family, including his wife. My dad grew up without a father. He was two years old when his dad died from TB. His 22 year old sister also died from TB and he really never knew her either. I grew up with no brothers or sisters and I swore I would have more than one child—well, that didn’t happen and so I have only one daughter.
My mother was the oldest of 13 children. Now, there are only 6 left. After my grandfather died, it seemed that the family never got together again. My grandmother died when she was 88 years old, but she didn’t seem to want everyone together. There were times when she didn’t even speak to my mother. They had a disagreement about something and my grandmother had a tendency to hold a grudge for a long time.
My husband, Charles, has 4 daughters and after his divorce from his first wife, they were all older and never really had anything to do with him. When he first got sick in 1996, I really didn’t know if I should even call them. My mother told me, he is their dad and they need to know—so I did. One daughter started coming to see him almost every year and then when he went on hospice she came down and seemed to act strange. When she got home she wrote him several emails that were so horrible—how he was such a terrible dad. Charles never got over those emails and never mentioned them to her. The youngest daughter drove here from Florida to ask her dad to forgive her for never getting to know him. They both cried. All 4 daughters came to his funeral, how I wished they had come together to see him before he died. The one who wrote the emails told me that they didn’t want people to talk about them if they didn’t show up for the funeral. It’s funny how people think.
Now my dad is in assisted living—if you can call it “living.” He’s in diapers now. He can barely walk some days. Sometimes we can carry on a pretty good conversation, which is better than I could with my mother. He couldn’t accept that my mother was sick. I knew she was but never in a million years would I think that when I brought her to my house she would be here less than 24 hours. She had fallen—not broken a hip—but couldn’t walk. She had Alzheimer’s/dementia and usually didn’t know many people. That evening she knew everyone and kept saying how thankful she was that I had brought her “home.” She visited with 2 of her sisters, some nieces and nephews, and my cousin brought Charles downstairs to see her. He was in a wheelchair then. He rolled right up to her and she said, Hi Charles, how have you been? My mother ate her last meal of fried chicken, gravey, creamed potatoes, homemade biscuits and ate another biscuit and gravey before she went to sleep. She never woke up the next morning. Two weeks later my husband died.
Family—what does that word mean to you? I sit here all alone and most of my family is gone. Thank goodness I have a daughter who means the world to me, but she’s not here in this empty house with me.
I thought I was the only one with a dysfunctional family—but I have learned a lot in the past few years. There’s a lot of you out there. Brothers and sisters who hate each other, sons and daughters that seem to hate their parents.
I go to assisted living and some of those poor people have nobody. Yes, it’s hard for me to see my dad like that and I usually cry all the way back home.
This Thanksgiving what are you thankful for? Are you thankful for your family, or are you holding grudges against some of them?
I see a lot of people on Facebook telling daily what they are thankful for, but are you really thankful? Life is short. You’re only a breath away from eternity. I’ve seen it and I know. This year, call somebody and tell them you love them. Better yet, go see them. Go visit a nursing home and then you can truly see how thankful you are that you have good health.
Family—how is yours?
DR
11/14/11
Monday, November 14, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Riley
Riley was my mother’s youngest brother, and he was three years younger than me. My mother was the oldest of 12, well 13 if you want to be really accurate. One brother died right after he was born.
After my mother was living in assisted living, I would go over and sometimes a plaque would be off the wall. I would ask her why and she would say that, well you know Riley lives upstairs and he took it off and I don’t know why. Well, Riley was guilty of many things while she was there and she never knew why he did those things. The good part is that he was always there visiting her. You need to know that Riley did not live there and he did not do any of those things and I guess I will never know who did, but I find comfort in that she was never lonely. I know she loved Riley.
I have picked Riley to talk about today because he got killed by a car two years ago today—his 61st birthday. What a shock to all of us. I could never tell my mother or my dad about Riley. My dad had all of his senses, but he could never accept that my mother didn’t and I knew that he would tell her and I didn’t want her to get upset. I’m sure my mother was surprised when she entered heaven and there stood Riley. I miss my mother, but I’m glad that she’s with her mother, dad, some of her sisters and brothers and of course my Charles.
Happy Birthday Riley—you’re missed.
DR
11/9/11
Monday, November 7, 2011
Things You Think About…..
It’s funny how your mind wanders, and all of a sudden a memory comes flooding back
to you. I was just getting ready to go
out and was putting on my cologne and suddenly thought about a conversation I
had with Charles years ago. I told him
that someone told me that I always smell good.
I asked him if he had noticed and he said, you just always smell like
Diane. That was a compliment from
him. When I thought about that, I had to
smile. I miss him.
DR
11/7/11
Sunday, October 30, 2011
EXCUSES
Lately I’ve been finding excuses for a lot of things. What really brought that to my attention was
this morning. I have been “oversleeping”
a lot on Sunday’s. There have been
different “legitimate” excuses, but this morning is almost unbelievable! The time change is NEXT weekend, but my clock
radio changed last night! I woke up, and
of course, I had overslept, but I thought if I hurry I can still make it to
church. I hurried to the kitchen to get
my cup of coffee (I just can’t make it without my daily dose of caffeine) and
all of my clocks were one hour later. I
thought, what the heck is going on? I
should have already left! I checked my
Iphone, computer, and all of the other “battery” operated clocks and they were
all one hour later—only my clock radio had reset itself. What do I do now? The only thing I know to do—check my email,
read the newspaper (especially the obit’s), and get updated on Facebook.
Well, that’s my “excuse” this morning and I’m sticking to
it.
DR
10/30/11
Thursday, October 27, 2011
WORDS
Have you ever thought about the words you use or call someone?
Today I went to see my dad and the new sitter was there with him. I could tell that she is a very caring person. She had just gotten his clean Depends and pants on and then changed his shirt. She washed his face and combed his hair and then she said, Ok Darlin’, let me help you up. I said, boy I bet you feel really pampered, and he said, “I do.” I then said, and especially these names they call you and my dad said, “but they don’t mean it.” I asked Henrietta if she heard what he said and she said yes and I do mean it. My dad grinned. Yes, he’s 89 and loving all the pampering he is getting.
We need to be so careful of how we treat others, and I’m so guilty about being so outspoken and the words just flow out of my mouth. But, I’m trying to “think” before I “speak.” Yes, I’ve had my feelings hurt over some “hurtful names” and it has made me stop and take account of myself. I need to be a better friend. I need to say comforting and helpful things and not say anything mean. Even if I’m kidding—I need to stop before something comes out that I will regret later. Sometimes I think I need to be like I was when I was a kid—never opening my mouth to say anything. My mother was of the opinion that “children should be seen and not heard” and I wasn’t about to dispute her opinion!
Everyday when I wake up, I realize that our time here on earth is so short. We need to live each day like it is our last—because the way people drive it could very well be our last! Be careful of the things you say. If someone is mean to you, maybe they’re just having a bad day. Those are the people you need to be especially kind to. We really don’t know the problems that someone else may be going through and when we ask, “how are you?”, do we really want to know…. I’m sure you have had the same experience that I have had when I answer, all of a sudden that person is not even looking at me anymore and I could walk away and they would never even notice.
Be good to somebody today. Call a friend today and tell them what they mean to you—that may be just the encouragement they need.
Dr
10/27/11
Today I went to see my dad and the new sitter was there with him. I could tell that she is a very caring person. She had just gotten his clean Depends and pants on and then changed his shirt. She washed his face and combed his hair and then she said, Ok Darlin’, let me help you up. I said, boy I bet you feel really pampered, and he said, “I do.” I then said, and especially these names they call you and my dad said, “but they don’t mean it.” I asked Henrietta if she heard what he said and she said yes and I do mean it. My dad grinned. Yes, he’s 89 and loving all the pampering he is getting.
We need to be so careful of how we treat others, and I’m so guilty about being so outspoken and the words just flow out of my mouth. But, I’m trying to “think” before I “speak.” Yes, I’ve had my feelings hurt over some “hurtful names” and it has made me stop and take account of myself. I need to be a better friend. I need to say comforting and helpful things and not say anything mean. Even if I’m kidding—I need to stop before something comes out that I will regret later. Sometimes I think I need to be like I was when I was a kid—never opening my mouth to say anything. My mother was of the opinion that “children should be seen and not heard” and I wasn’t about to dispute her opinion!
Everyday when I wake up, I realize that our time here on earth is so short. We need to live each day like it is our last—because the way people drive it could very well be our last! Be careful of the things you say. If someone is mean to you, maybe they’re just having a bad day. Those are the people you need to be especially kind to. We really don’t know the problems that someone else may be going through and when we ask, “how are you?”, do we really want to know…. I’m sure you have had the same experience that I have had when I answer, all of a sudden that person is not even looking at me anymore and I could walk away and they would never even notice.
Be good to somebody today. Call a friend today and tell them what they mean to you—that may be just the encouragement they need.
Dr
10/27/11
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Detour
Detour
Last night I was on my way to Bible Study and traffic was backed up at the Ridge Cut—as usual. I really felt compelled to turn around and go to Hixson to hear Perry Stone. I’ve really never been a follower of Perry Stone, but I knew I had to go. I got off the interstate and headed back to Hixson. I am so glad that I went. His message was about being the “first born” child. I am a first born child—I am an only child. He also talked about widows—and yes, I am a widow. I can’t explain the message here, I only know that I needed to hear it.
How many times have we really “listened” to our inner voice and made a “detour”? I have done it before. One time I felt compelled to turn into the parking lot of a furniture store. That was the time that a man prayed over me and told me my husband would not have to have a heart transplant. At the time I thought the man was crazy. Two weeks later we were told that Charles didn’t need a heart transplant. For some unknown reason his heart was healing. I didn’t even know that man’s name. The next day I learned his name and he became a good friend. I even sold their home in Ringgold, GA. I’m still friends with him and his wife today. What if I had not heeded that still small voice?
Right now, I feel like a lost person trying to find my way again in the world. Patience has never been one of my virtues. I am learning to be happy in this new phase of my life. Yes, it gets lonely. I’m thankful that Charles insisted on me getting Chloe right after my Tag died. So many deaths in the month of March and he insisted on me getting a new little puppy. How could another puppy ever replace my Tag? Tag who always knew when I was sick and would lay on my stomach. That was the only time she would do that. How did Charles know that after he died that I would hold that little puppy close to me and cry and Chloe would lick my tears? No, Chloe did not take Tag’s place, she’s different. She’s actually more affectionate and stays right by my side. She wants my undivided attention. When someone calls me, I have to go out on the porch or close the door because she barks. She knows my daughter’s and son-in-law’s voice and “talks” to them on the phone. Yes, I know you think I’m crazy—but she has helped me this past year and a half.
What lies ahead? I don’t have any idea. Detours? I don’t know. I’ll just listen to that inner voice and go.
DR
10/20/11
Last night I was on my way to Bible Study and traffic was backed up at the Ridge Cut—as usual. I really felt compelled to turn around and go to Hixson to hear Perry Stone. I’ve really never been a follower of Perry Stone, but I knew I had to go. I got off the interstate and headed back to Hixson. I am so glad that I went. His message was about being the “first born” child. I am a first born child—I am an only child. He also talked about widows—and yes, I am a widow. I can’t explain the message here, I only know that I needed to hear it.
How many times have we really “listened” to our inner voice and made a “detour”? I have done it before. One time I felt compelled to turn into the parking lot of a furniture store. That was the time that a man prayed over me and told me my husband would not have to have a heart transplant. At the time I thought the man was crazy. Two weeks later we were told that Charles didn’t need a heart transplant. For some unknown reason his heart was healing. I didn’t even know that man’s name. The next day I learned his name and he became a good friend. I even sold their home in Ringgold, GA. I’m still friends with him and his wife today. What if I had not heeded that still small voice?
Right now, I feel like a lost person trying to find my way again in the world. Patience has never been one of my virtues. I am learning to be happy in this new phase of my life. Yes, it gets lonely. I’m thankful that Charles insisted on me getting Chloe right after my Tag died. So many deaths in the month of March and he insisted on me getting a new little puppy. How could another puppy ever replace my Tag? Tag who always knew when I was sick and would lay on my stomach. That was the only time she would do that. How did Charles know that after he died that I would hold that little puppy close to me and cry and Chloe would lick my tears? No, Chloe did not take Tag’s place, she’s different. She’s actually more affectionate and stays right by my side. She wants my undivided attention. When someone calls me, I have to go out on the porch or close the door because she barks. She knows my daughter’s and son-in-law’s voice and “talks” to them on the phone. Yes, I know you think I’m crazy—but she has helped me this past year and a half.
What lies ahead? I don’t have any idea. Detours? I don’t know. I’ll just listen to that inner voice and go.
DR
10/20/11
Thursday, August 18, 2011
My Dad Turned 89 Today
My dad turned 89 today. I have to admit that I had to drum up the nerve to go see him. This may be his last birthday we celebrate. He has had good days and bad days lately and I do worry about him. It is so hard to see your dad who was your defender all of your life to become so helpless. I know it has to be hard for him, but part of the beauty of growing old is that it doesn’t matter anymore. He just knows that he is being taken care of, being fed, and being kept clean.
I have so many memories of my dad—you see I was always a daddy’s girl. All of my life I thought my mother was the “bad” one. She was so rigid and my dad was the one I could talk to and be more comfortable with.
When my mother got so bad and I had to put her in the hospital and from there assisted living—my dad became very angry at me. I told him that I didn’t like the way things are either. It was so hard for either of us to handle. I can remember another time when my dad and I had a hard time coping. My mother had gone in for a colonoscopy and the doctor called in by her bed to tell us the results. I’ll never forget when the doctor said “cancer” and he had to operate immediately. My dad and I went to pieces and my mother sailed through the entire thing so calmly. They caught the cancer in time and she never had radiation or chemo. I asked my mother later how she was able to cope with the news of having cancer. Her answer to me was that she knew what she was coping with. She told me it’s the “unknown” that is hard to handle.
When my husband was dying of cancer, he was so happy and he told me that it was ok—that everybody has to take their own turn at dying. I know that we have to take our own turn, but it’s so hard for the people who are left behind.
I’ve had it pretty lucky all of my life. I was never around anyone whom I was really close to who died. A lot of my relatives died when I was a teenager and it’s really different when you’re that age. There’s not a day that goes by now that I don’t think of my husband and my mother. I miss both of them, but I also miss my dad as I remember him before he got in this condition.
Well, my dad was really in good spirits today. I gave him a birthday card with a cat on it that was a cross between Booger and Sparky (two cats he used to have) and on the inside the cat had given him a “hairball.” He laughed. My cousin Leon called and I put him on my speaker phone while he sang “Happy Birthday.” I asked my dad if he knew who that was and he said Leon with a big smile. You always smile when you get that birthday phone call from Leon! Saturday we’re going back—Christi and family and I are all going and I’m going to make one of my dad’s favorites—chocolate chiffon pie with whipped cream!
Happy Birthday Daddy
Dr, 8/18/11
I have so many memories of my dad—you see I was always a daddy’s girl. All of my life I thought my mother was the “bad” one. She was so rigid and my dad was the one I could talk to and be more comfortable with.
When my mother got so bad and I had to put her in the hospital and from there assisted living—my dad became very angry at me. I told him that I didn’t like the way things are either. It was so hard for either of us to handle. I can remember another time when my dad and I had a hard time coping. My mother had gone in for a colonoscopy and the doctor called in by her bed to tell us the results. I’ll never forget when the doctor said “cancer” and he had to operate immediately. My dad and I went to pieces and my mother sailed through the entire thing so calmly. They caught the cancer in time and she never had radiation or chemo. I asked my mother later how she was able to cope with the news of having cancer. Her answer to me was that she knew what she was coping with. She told me it’s the “unknown” that is hard to handle.
When my husband was dying of cancer, he was so happy and he told me that it was ok—that everybody has to take their own turn at dying. I know that we have to take our own turn, but it’s so hard for the people who are left behind.
I’ve had it pretty lucky all of my life. I was never around anyone whom I was really close to who died. A lot of my relatives died when I was a teenager and it’s really different when you’re that age. There’s not a day that goes by now that I don’t think of my husband and my mother. I miss both of them, but I also miss my dad as I remember him before he got in this condition.
Well, my dad was really in good spirits today. I gave him a birthday card with a cat on it that was a cross between Booger and Sparky (two cats he used to have) and on the inside the cat had given him a “hairball.” He laughed. My cousin Leon called and I put him on my speaker phone while he sang “Happy Birthday.” I asked my dad if he knew who that was and he said Leon with a big smile. You always smile when you get that birthday phone call from Leon! Saturday we’re going back—Christi and family and I are all going and I’m going to make one of my dad’s favorites—chocolate chiffon pie with whipped cream!
Happy Birthday Daddy
Dr, 8/18/11
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