Saturday, October 13, 2012
Reunion - 2012
Jeanie invited me to her all grades reunion for Kirkman High School. I didn’t graduate from there but a lot of my friends did. I really didn’t think that it would be very much fun, but as soon as we arrived the live band was already playing oldies. My weakness are songs from the 50’s and 60’s. This was a band who actually played at Kirkman. There was another band to play at 6. Needless to say, I had more fun than I’ve had in a long, long time. The food was great—I actually was able to eat and stay on my diet.
A friend, Debbie, got me to go out on the dance floor. There were a lot of women just kind of dancing with each other like we did years ago. When I was growing up, Nancy, d Reida and I were constantly dancing and doing the twist. We loved our rock n roll.
I saw Freddie again—he grabbed me as he was leaving. Now Freddie is married, but we go a long way back. He was never a boyfriend, but we did take a lot of midnight rides together. That’s another story that maybe someday I will tell. I did chase him and said you have to have your picture taken with me. I had my picture taken with him last week and again this week. Hope his wife doesn’t care, well, he said she doesn’t. Oh, that was last week he said that.
All I can say is that I had a fabulous time, good food, working up a sweat on the dance floor and laughing more than I have in years. Life is good! Thank you Jeanie!
DR
10/14/12
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Stepping Stones to the New Me
There have been several things that just kept knawing at me to change—my hair and my weight. I’ve always known that if you can fix something, then just do it. I really got tired of people saying that I looked like Paula Deen, but the main reason I hated my hair was everytime I looked in the mirror I just felt old. When I first got up in the morning and went to the bathroom mirror I would be in shock, oh no! I look just like my mother! Now don’t get me wrong, I thought my mother was a very attractive person, but I was not ready to be that person. The other thing that I couldn’t stand about myself was my weight. Yes, I gained weight when everyone around me was dying. What do you do when you’re in the house 24/7? I’ll tell you, you eat. I really couldn’t exercise. And then after my husband died, I sat on the deck in the swing and just sat there. I don’t regret the grieving that I did, I just didn’t think I would ever be that way. But, I could sit for days. I felt like I was in some kind of time warp.
Then, what happened? I really don’t know. It was sort of like I woke up out of a deep sleep and realized that I’m still alive and I want to do everything I can to live my life to the fullest. So, I began the “stepping stones to the new me.” No, I don’t want to regress, I want to look to the future and see what is new out there for me.
Well, I’ve started the changes on me and I like my hair and it has made me feel so much younger. It’s amazing what little things can do for your outlook on life. I’m working on the weight. Oh it’s not easy, but I’m determined. I walk with friends now and it’s so much fun to laugh and at the same time know that you’re doing something to improve yourself.
I don’t know what lies ahead for me, but for now, I’m taking stepping stones to the new me.
DR
10/11/12
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Tell Me Your Favorite Thing About Vacation
That’s what Kristin asked in the car coming home from Pigeon Forge, TN today. I have to admit that at first I had nothing to contribute. I thought I really decided that I did not like Dollywood after all. I just don’t like theme parks. All you do is walk, stand in line for an hour for a ride that gets you soaking wet, and then you walk and walk and dodge people, strollers, and the new thing to dodge are all the people in their power chairs. I tell you, those people are dangerous! If you’re not quick, they will run over you in a heartbeat.
But getting back to my favorite thing about vacation….. Kristin said she just had so much fun being with all of us and she really bonded with her cousin, Jonathan. He rode all of the rides with her and they got along so good. We spent a lot of time in our family suite. Debbie and Ginger got the king sized bed and in the other room I had the pull out sofa bed, which was a lot like a water bed. Once I got in the bed, I had trouble getting back out. Jonathan and Kristin had the bunk beds and at night I could see the glow of their Iphones on the ceiling. I could hear Kristin giggling and then they would tell each other to shut up. It was fun. Kristin would get in the closet to change clothes and I would go in the other room. Jonathan usually would change in the bathroom. We really had no trouble with our privacy issues.
Coming home in the car was fun. I was in the backseat with Kristin and Jonathan and we all went to sleep. We argued, laughed, and just had fun.
My favorite thing about vacation? Being with my grandson and cousins and feeling a closeness that is indescribable.
DR
8/9/12
Sunday, March 25, 2012
March 2012
It has been two years since Charles and my mother died. I thought I had everything under control and I find that I still slip into my state of just wanting to be by myself and not being around anyone. This year, though, I’ve tried to keep busy—but to no avail. So, I’ve been thinking of all of the good times I had with my mother and Charles.
I miss Charles going to the pool hall, because on those nights I would go get my mother and we would go to Hamricks. In the past, gasoline was a lot cheaper in Georgia, so that was my excuse. One month Charles looked at the credit card bill and said, Hamricks, Hamricks, Hamricks, Hamricks. Is there a reason why you go to Hamricks every week? I answered that I go get gas. He looked puzzled. I then said, if you stop shooting pool, then I will stop going to Hamricks. Hamricks is on my way to get gas. Hamricks was never mentioned again. You may be thinking, what is Hamricks? It’s a clothing store and I believe my mother and I had everything in the store memorized. The first time I went to Hamricks after she died, I found myself looking for her. I miss being able to pick up the telephone and calling her and telling her about my day and asking about hers. But, I missed her a long time before she died. With Alzheimer’s they slowly drift away…..
I miss Charles a lot when I’m paying bills. We always did that chore together. We did everything on line and now I do the whole process by myself. I miss Charles when I’m working in the yard. He used the riding lawnmower and I did the trim. Now I do it all. I miss Charles when I want to tell him crazy stuff. He understood me and didn’t judge me for all of my silliness. I miss the silly songs that Charles used to make up and sing to me. I miss the poems Charles used to write to me. No one really knew the soft, romantic side of him. I miss his hugs, because he hugged me all of the time. I miss the dry humor Charles had. I just miss him!
Today, as I looked outside and saw all the trees budding out and the dogwoods in bloom, I realized that this is my third summer without the two of them, and my first summer without my dad. I know I have my daughter and family, but it’s not the same. No one really knows and understands until they have lost their parents and their spouse. It gets a little easier, but the loneliness is still here. My hope is that I will see them again. My strength and courage has come from God who is with me everyday, hears my prayers, and sees my tears.
DR
3/25/12
I miss Charles going to the pool hall, because on those nights I would go get my mother and we would go to Hamricks. In the past, gasoline was a lot cheaper in Georgia, so that was my excuse. One month Charles looked at the credit card bill and said, Hamricks, Hamricks, Hamricks, Hamricks. Is there a reason why you go to Hamricks every week? I answered that I go get gas. He looked puzzled. I then said, if you stop shooting pool, then I will stop going to Hamricks. Hamricks is on my way to get gas. Hamricks was never mentioned again. You may be thinking, what is Hamricks? It’s a clothing store and I believe my mother and I had everything in the store memorized. The first time I went to Hamricks after she died, I found myself looking for her. I miss being able to pick up the telephone and calling her and telling her about my day and asking about hers. But, I missed her a long time before she died. With Alzheimer’s they slowly drift away…..
I miss Charles a lot when I’m paying bills. We always did that chore together. We did everything on line and now I do the whole process by myself. I miss Charles when I’m working in the yard. He used the riding lawnmower and I did the trim. Now I do it all. I miss Charles when I want to tell him crazy stuff. He understood me and didn’t judge me for all of my silliness. I miss the silly songs that Charles used to make up and sing to me. I miss the poems Charles used to write to me. No one really knew the soft, romantic side of him. I miss his hugs, because he hugged me all of the time. I miss the dry humor Charles had. I just miss him!
Today, as I looked outside and saw all the trees budding out and the dogwoods in bloom, I realized that this is my third summer without the two of them, and my first summer without my dad. I know I have my daughter and family, but it’s not the same. No one really knows and understands until they have lost their parents and their spouse. It gets a little easier, but the loneliness is still here. My hope is that I will see them again. My strength and courage has come from God who is with me everyday, hears my prayers, and sees my tears.
DR
3/25/12
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Valentine's Day - 2012
I know people say the big occasions when you miss someone are Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays, or the day when someone died. This year I am especially missing you, Charles, on Valentine’s Day. To the world you didn’t seem like a very sentimental person but I knew the sentimental, romantic you. I looked forward to my poems that you wrote to me. I knew that you had to spend time in writing them. I miss your hugs, your phone calls to just tell me that you loved me, your waiting for me when I would come home from a difficult day, your off the wall comments that would always make me laugh, and just so many other things that you did that made up the person I will always love.
Well, it has been almost two years and it still seems like yesterday. Sometimes I can still hear your voice and sense your presence in the house. I have kidded that we “meet” at Hobby Lobby because they have played your favorite song, “Lord of the Dance”, when I’m there. When it comes on, I just stop dead in my tracks.
You told me before you died that you wanted me to have fun. You even bought me a “fun” car with everything I wanted on it. It took me a while, but I am having fun. Thank you for teaching me how to take care of myself, and how to be independent.
Tomorrow, I will remember all of the wonderful Valentine Days that we had together and just be thankful for those times. I had a once in a lifetime love—thank you!
DR
2/13/12
Well, it has been almost two years and it still seems like yesterday. Sometimes I can still hear your voice and sense your presence in the house. I have kidded that we “meet” at Hobby Lobby because they have played your favorite song, “Lord of the Dance”, when I’m there. When it comes on, I just stop dead in my tracks.
You told me before you died that you wanted me to have fun. You even bought me a “fun” car with everything I wanted on it. It took me a while, but I am having fun. Thank you for teaching me how to take care of myself, and how to be independent.
Tomorrow, I will remember all of the wonderful Valentine Days that we had together and just be thankful for those times. I had a once in a lifetime love—thank you!
DR
2/13/12
Monday, January 2, 2012
Hope for the Future
Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, Plans to prosper you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I have depended on that verse for a long time, and now I’m really beginning to understand it. As I sat up and watched the “ball” drop in Times Square, I thought that 2012 is giving me a new start, a new beginning, and hope for the future.
I miss my husband, mother, and daddy, but I know that they are way happier now and that gives me peace. I have sat up at night worrying so much. For my dad who was left for a year and 9 months without my mother, I saw him so lonely. I know that feeling because I have it a lot. You can be with friends and even with my daughter and feel so alone. No one really knows this feeling until they have experienced it first hand. I have friends who have lost their husbands and I never really knew what they were going through. Yes, you see my “happy” face, but what you don’t see are my tears when I’m driving home to an empty house. I can sit here at my computer and see my husband everywhere—the clocks he made me, his chair and his computer right beside me and sometimes I can even feel his presence. If you’ve lost his spouse, you know what I’m talking about. But, we do have hope for the future. We are still here and our work here on earth is not done.
I hope I can help someone else who is experiencing what I have gone through for the past few years. I hope I can make their life easier. There are so many emotions that you go through and so much guilt that is associated with it. I can only say that I know that I did the best that I could. It’s similar to being a parent and you look back at all of the mistakes you made in raising your children. We didn’t get a handbook for this—we just do the best we know how and trust God that it worked.
DR
1/2/12
I miss my husband, mother, and daddy, but I know that they are way happier now and that gives me peace. I have sat up at night worrying so much. For my dad who was left for a year and 9 months without my mother, I saw him so lonely. I know that feeling because I have it a lot. You can be with friends and even with my daughter and feel so alone. No one really knows this feeling until they have experienced it first hand. I have friends who have lost their husbands and I never really knew what they were going through. Yes, you see my “happy” face, but what you don’t see are my tears when I’m driving home to an empty house. I can sit here at my computer and see my husband everywhere—the clocks he made me, his chair and his computer right beside me and sometimes I can even feel his presence. If you’ve lost his spouse, you know what I’m talking about. But, we do have hope for the future. We are still here and our work here on earth is not done.
I hope I can help someone else who is experiencing what I have gone through for the past few years. I hope I can make their life easier. There are so many emotions that you go through and so much guilt that is associated with it. I can only say that I know that I did the best that I could. It’s similar to being a parent and you look back at all of the mistakes you made in raising your children. We didn’t get a handbook for this—we just do the best we know how and trust God that it worked.
DR
1/2/12
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
My Dad
Today I say goodbye to my dad as I have known him in this world. I know I will meet him and my mother again, but today is a sad day. The past few years were really hard for him and he just could not accept the fact that my mother was sick and that he was not able to take care of himself any more. They were both very independent people and I’m the same way. I know for me it would be hard to start depending on someone else for everything. But on to happy memories….
My mother and daddy didn’t have a lot of money, so when I was little my dad worked the first shift and got home in time for my mother to leave for her second shift job. My dad and I spent most evenings reading. I knew how to read when I entered first grade. I don’t know how I learned to read and my parents couldn’t remember either—they just said I started reading. In the second grade I came home and told my dad that the guy at the bookmobile wouldn’t let me check out my books. We went back up to the school where it was parked and my books were still stacked there. My dad asked him why I couldn’t have my books and the man told him that I was too little to read them. My dad asked him if he let me read on one of the pages and he said no. My dad opened one of them and I began to read. After that I never had any trouble. I am an only child and I loved to read.
One evening when my dad was sitting on the porch and I was playing with my little red wagon, I begged him to leave to get a snowball. He finally gave in and we left. When we came back our yard was full of people and a car had run into the corner of our porch and demolished the chair my dad was sitting in and destroyed my little red wagon. It was not our time to go yet. That had to be more than 60 years ago. Oops, telling my age.
One Halloween night my dog, Rusty and I were standing at the door waiting for the “spooks”. Back then we had a screen door and we also did not have air conditioning. Well, a group came up on the porch and I don’t know who was more scared--me or Rusty. We ran to the kitchen and my dad had soaped up the floor (it was linoleum) and we slid all the way across. My dad couldn’t stop laughing.
My dad always took up for me and I guess you could call me a “daddy’s girl.” After I was grown, we could sit for hours and never really talk, but we could both say we had a great visit. He wasn’t ever much of a talker.
Yes, I have some good memories.
DR
12/27/11
My mother and daddy didn’t have a lot of money, so when I was little my dad worked the first shift and got home in time for my mother to leave for her second shift job. My dad and I spent most evenings reading. I knew how to read when I entered first grade. I don’t know how I learned to read and my parents couldn’t remember either—they just said I started reading. In the second grade I came home and told my dad that the guy at the bookmobile wouldn’t let me check out my books. We went back up to the school where it was parked and my books were still stacked there. My dad asked him why I couldn’t have my books and the man told him that I was too little to read them. My dad asked him if he let me read on one of the pages and he said no. My dad opened one of them and I began to read. After that I never had any trouble. I am an only child and I loved to read.
One evening when my dad was sitting on the porch and I was playing with my little red wagon, I begged him to leave to get a snowball. He finally gave in and we left. When we came back our yard was full of people and a car had run into the corner of our porch and demolished the chair my dad was sitting in and destroyed my little red wagon. It was not our time to go yet. That had to be more than 60 years ago. Oops, telling my age.
One Halloween night my dog, Rusty and I were standing at the door waiting for the “spooks”. Back then we had a screen door and we also did not have air conditioning. Well, a group came up on the porch and I don’t know who was more scared--me or Rusty. We ran to the kitchen and my dad had soaped up the floor (it was linoleum) and we slid all the way across. My dad couldn’t stop laughing.
My dad always took up for me and I guess you could call me a “daddy’s girl.” After I was grown, we could sit for hours and never really talk, but we could both say we had a great visit. He wasn’t ever much of a talker.
Yes, I have some good memories.
DR
12/27/11
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