As Time Goes By

Tonight I watched one of my favorite programs on the public station, As Time Goes By. It’s a story of a couple who fell in love 38 years before. He was in the Army and she was a nurse. He went off to war and he wrote to her but she never received the letters, and she wrote to him but he never received her letters. Well, to make a long story short they married other people—he divorced and her husband died. They found each other again after 38 years and married. It’s a wonderful story and I love the song. Sometimes I daydream that maybe some day that will happen to me. Oh, I really can’t go into the “who” here. I just know that hearing the song again and watching the program brought back many memories. DR 5/4/13

Some Days are Diamonds, Some Days are Stone

I listened to this song tonight and it made me feel so sad. I try to make all of my days “diamonds”, but sometimes they just end up being “stones.” It talks about the face that I see in my mirror, and yes my face does look like a stranger to me sometimes. It seems that this past year I am trying to find “me.” It has been long time since I am just “me.” In the past I was a wife, mother, grandmother, daughter, employee and the list can go on. I am a different person to each of these people, but I am no longer a wife or daughter. Mother’s Day is coming up and I thought there is no one for me to buy for. And now I wear a white rose instead of the red one. All of a sudden I think back and wonder where did all of the time go? We take things for granted until we no longer have them. I’ve made a lot of changes in my life and I’m not done. There is still so much “living” to do. I am still a mother and grandmother. Someday I may be a great grandmother. My oldest grandson introduced me to his girlfriend as his “hot” grandmother. I hope to keep that title. What lies ahead? I don’t know. I hope to make everyday a “diamond” day, but I know that there are still some stones ahead. I just want to make them “stepping” stones to get back to the diamonds again. It seems that after midnight is when I start all of this deep thinking. Maybe I should go to bed and think about the diamond day I will have tomorrow. Fridays are always good. DR 5/3/13

He Stopped Loving Her Today....

When I first heard about George Jones dying today, I immediately had some memories come flooding back. My mother loved country music, and my passion has always been rock and roll. There are a few country songs that I really like and the song by George Jones, He Stopped Loving Her Today, was my favorite by him. I remember my mother was in the car with me and that song came on. I listened to the words that day and I told my mother, the man in the song died! My mother said, well haven’t you ever listened to the words? I told her no. I said that’s one of the saddest songs I’ve ever heard. It still has remained one of my favorites. Another time I watched a music video with my mother at her house. It was by Martina McBride and it’s called Freedom Rings. I had only heard the chorus on the Hannity and Combs radio broadcast. I couldn’t believe it was about domestic violence. Of course my mother told me the history of it. Another time I taught a friend of mine how to do makeup on some children who were doing a benefit for a man. Well, I knew this man’s name and the only person I knew by that name is a preacher. I couldn’t understand why this particular school was doing the benefit down at the Tivoli for him. I was down there the night of the benefit to help and then they announced that the “guest” was also going to wear the makeup that I sold. I was amazed to say the least. Well, my friend told me that I could stay for the benefit and I thought I would at least stay for the first part. The principal of the school came out and announced that he had known this man since he was in the second grade and followed his career. I thought how could that be, the principal is too young and the man I know is at retirement age. Well, when the “guest” came out I nearly fell out of my seat. He was an up and coming country music star. The next day I went over to my mother’s house and asked her if she knew this guy. She proceeded to tell me his history and how good he is. I then told her what had happened and I had wished I had told her. She would have loved to have been there. Well, I have other memories, but I have thought a lot about my mother today and how she always straightened me out on “who is who” in the country music world. But, I still have “He Stopped Loving Her Today” on my mind. DR 4/26/13

Get Over It

I heard these words the other day and they really hit home for me. I know I have written before that I am the queen of pity parties. I don’t know why I do that. I don’t even appear that way in public. I hide it really well. I’ll give an example: Last week was my birthday. I couldn’t have had a better day. I had so many “happy birthdays” from friends and relatives, phone calls, text messages, private messages on face book, and even a friend called and sang to me. I had a wonderful lunch with my daughter and that evening a wonderful dinner with my family. I love having fun and being with people. After we had dinner, I went over and spent time at their house and laughed and talked. Then I got into my car and headed home—I cried all the way home. I even asked myself why, why do I do this? I have nothing to cry about. I have a good life, wonderful friends, so why do I do this? I know the reason and it can’t be corrected—at least not bringing someone back from the dead. I so hate going home to my empty house. So, I need to just “get over it.” Now every time something happens that I think is not right or if I think that life is not fair to me, I’m saying, “Diane, just get over it.” There are so many things that are right. So, why do we tend to dwell on the things that we think are not right in our lives? I don’t know. Each day brings new challenges into our life. We need to look at each one and see if we can correct the problem or how we are going to let it affect us or how we can deal with it. Don’t look at the other person with envy and jealousy of what they have. We really don’t know what goes on inside of them. Who would ever know that I would let things get to me and cry so much? Who would ever know how depressed I get or how lonely I get and feel sorry for myself? You need to do what I am starting to do—just get over it! DR 4/18/13

You Never Know....

I had a wonderful time for my birthday, but when I got home, I realized that I had not heard from a friend in a few weeks. I was used to talking to him a lot. His mother had recently died and we talked about what he was going to do. The last time I talked to him I knew he was pretty distraught, but I was also caught up in my new office change. I thought of him late at night and would send him a private message, and I really thought it odd that he didn’t call because he always did. Well, this time I thought I should go to his face book page. I couldn’t believe it, he died a few weeks ago. I didn’t know and I am still upset about it. Why didn’t I stay in better contact with him? I knew he was upset. I read that he had a heart attack. He walked all of the time. He was thin. How could this happen? I still can’t believe that he’s gone and I’ll never talk to him again. I feel so awful. Then today, I heard some news that a close friend that lives up here on the mountain died. I was upset all day about her. My cousin and I talked about it and we said how we should have called her. Then we learned that the person who told that information was wrong and our friend is alive. How relieved we are. My cousin called her and told her what we had heard and how relieved we are that she’s ok. We never know when we may die, or when someone we really care about will die. We need to listen to that little voice inside of us that reminds us to call that person, go see that person, or just check to see if they’re ok. Why do we get so busy that we don’t take time to do that? I know that I always promise myself that I’m going to do better, and then I slip into that “busy” mode again. Oh God, please help me to reach out to the people I care about and let them know that I really do care about them. I hope you do the same. DR 4/13/13

What I Miss

In life we take so many things for granted. I know I took my husband for granted. He always told me that after he was gone, I would realize all of the things he did for me. Well, tonight I started thinking about what I am missing. He always wrote me poems on my birthday, valentine’s, and our anniversary. I couldn’t wait to see what he would come up with. I have them all in a notebook. I told him that I loved them better than any card that he could have picked out. I really liked the following poem: “My dearest, my darling, my – well you know the rest, You’ve made me so happy, cause you are the best, You’ve worked and you’ve suffered for me everyday, In appreciation for you, I’ve this to say, I desire you, I adore you, my lover, my all, I’d rather be with you, than at the poolhall. I love you, Charles” He always called me “My dearest, my darling, my lover, my all”, and he called me “Dar” for short. Charles never was the normal person. Everything he did was different and unique, even what he called me. You know, I am not and never have been a favorite of pet names. I have never wanted to be called honey or baby, but I loved being called “Dar”. A lot of times he would say the entire thing and yes, I miss hearing it. I especially liked this birthday poem because I know how much he loved shooting pool. I hope they have pool tables in heaven—just saying. DR 4/11/13

My Crazy Life

I used to live such a dull life. I really did. Talk about a rut, mine was really deep. I have a friend who told me recently that I’m more fun to watch than Days of Our Lives, she calls it Days of Diane. Well, I wouldn’t go that far, but I have to admit my life is at times a little crazy, or should I say that maybe I’m a little crazy, lol. Life is too short to not find fun and humor in everything. I love to laugh and maybe do some crazy things at times. I think we should laugh more, be more active, do more things. I think a lot of people are scared to step out of their comfort zone. When I decided to step out of my “box”, I have to admit it was pretty scary. I would be putting myself out there to be criticized, analyzed, judged, and maybe some other adjectives I can’t think of right now. I have come to the realization that if I do something to make you laugh, then I have accomplished something. If we can’t have fun, then just dry up and sit there and be your own morbid self. Life is for living. Life is for helping someone else to know that there is more to life than just being worried all of the time. Get out there and have fun. Last night I had my daughter in my car and I think I really scared her with some of my driving. I like to drive fast (I hope no policemen are reading this) but I am a careful driver. I looked at her last night and said, I sure don’t drive like Granny, do I? Of course, I was talking about my mother who was afraid to get on the interstate and thought if she went over 35 miles an hour she was speeding. Christi said no, you’re nothing like her. She said she always wondered if she would ever arrive at where they were heading when she was with my mother. With me, she wonders if she will arrive there alive and in one piece. Oh, I’m really not that bad. Although, I do remember one day when Becky chose three men agents to ride in my car, including my broker, (we did this every Tuesday to view houses that had just been listed) that when we were heading to my car, I turned around and they all had on motorcycle helmets. I asked, why helmets? They responded, we’re riding with you! Well, I know they were kidding even when we returned and one of the men kissed the ground when he got out of my car. Do you think that got me off from having people in my car on tour, no. Also, I’m not that bad. Anyway, I don’t think so. Take a ride with me this summer in my convertible and you’ll see. Well, just ask my Kristin. She was always ready to ride with me last summer. I really hope she is going to ride with me again this summer. We had a ball. Well, I did have a guy to ride with me. Ok, so what if he was only 48 and liked me. I’ve already said I like men younger than me. I told him when he got into my car he should fear for his life. He said, but you promised that you wouldn’t put me out anywhere. I said, yes I did promise you that, but I drive fast and I play my music loud. He was ok with that. He said he was really surprised that I like Blondie. For those of you who have never heard of Blondie, she was a rock singer in the 70’s or 80’s. We had a few dates until he moved back to Kentucky. That was fun, but he was a little too young. I’ve said all of this to say that sometimes we need to let go and have fun. I know I am. DR 3/30/13