Please March 2011 Go Away

When March of this year started, it seemed as though I was on some sort of countdown. This time last year was the last night I would ever have my Charles. What would I have done differently? None of us ever know when it is our time to die. I could die tomorrow or I could even die tonight. We just don’t know. But, I keep thinking about what I did last year—how could I have done things differently. Oh, if I could have known and sat by Charles’ bed all night and never left his side. But, we don’t know and we can’t beat ourselves up for something we didn’t do or something we didn’t say.

I never knew that I would feel the way I have felt since Charles died. Yes, Charles left me in good shape financially and tried to have everything fixed for me that needed repairs in the house. It’s just not the same when you are alone. What good is a “fun” car when your “fun” person is not here to hear you talk about it.

I could tell Charles anything and everything. When we first started going together, we could talk for hours and hours. He was so smart. Now, I have a little Yorkie who listens to me and turns her little head this way and that, but she doesn’t have anything to say in return. Thank goodness I have her though, because now I look forward to coming home because she’s so happy to see me.

Please March 2011 go away so I can think about other things instead of how lonely I am and how much I miss the love of my life. I am just thankful that Charles is at peace now and in a much better place. I just need to get my life together because I’m still here and I’m sure that I am supposed to do more with my life before it’s my time to go. I loved you Charles and I still do.

DR
3/21/11