Charles died 14 months ago today. I thought I could never face another day without him. Well, here I am and I am happy. Yes, I still think about him and I still miss him. But during the past 14 months, I have learned a lot of things about myself. I like my life. We make choices everyday—what to wear, what to eat, who to see, etc. The choices I’ve had to make are: living alone and liking it or disliking it—I have chosen to like it. I have chosen to be happy and find new things to do. It seems that I have entered into a fourth life.
My first life was lived as Diane German with my parents. I was so quiet and withdrawn. Friends I have now do not believe that, but when I was young I never talked. That’s the way life was when I was growing up.
My second life was lived as Diane Gasaway. I was married for 18 years and we had a daughter, Christi. Actually, that was a bad choice I made. Getting married at 18 was just too young. But, that was the choice I made and I’m glad that I have my daughter, Christi, as a result of that.
My third life was and still is being lived as Diane Rizzo. I married Charles for all of the right reasons. We were madly in love and until the day Charles died, he always said we were still on our honeymoon. I really miss him. He taught me a lot of things. I told him before we married that I would never be submissive. He told me he wanted me to be independent and learn to do things on my own. I have to admit that I truly was submissive but it was easy. The man spoiled me and treated me like a queen. Now, everyday was not perfect—we had our ups and downs—we were human. But, I have to admit that I usually got my way. I love clocks and he made me a lot of them.
Now, I’m in my fourth life. I’m still Diane Rizzo, but who am I really? What lies ahead for me now? I don’t know, but I do know that I am still making choices of what I want to do. The last year of Charles’ life, I realized that “things” are not what makes me happy. We enjoyed his last months together. He wanted to go to bed and hold hands and talk. Now, I have the company of my little Yorkie. She doesn’t talk but she sure acts like she wants to. I enjoy little things. I enjoy my family more. I’m listening more.
Choices make up our entire life. What would I have done differently? Probably nothing. Right now, I love my life, and I want to live everyday to the fullest. I do have some things on my “bucket” list. I’ll have to write about those—but another time.
Take the time to grieve—it’s part of life.
DR
5/22/11
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Happy Birthday Christi
Forty years ago I was doubly happy—God gave me exactly what I had prayed for—a brown haired, blue-eyed baby girl. Of course, I didn’t know exactly what color your eyes were yet but I did know you had a full head of hair and it was dark! You were so beautiful! You were also born on the Friday before Mother’s Day. I was finally a mother and I was so happy.
You have made me happy for 40 years and blessed me with two wonderful grandsons. You’ve done a good job with those boys and I’m proud of them and you.
As you grow older, I want you to never stop believing in yourself and also that God is still in the Miracle Business. I have seen you grow in your walk with God and I so admire your dedication. I love seeing your creativity in everything that you—decorating, weddings,--just everything that you touch. Yes, you can do anything that you set out to do. You’ve even drawn me into part of that with my baking. I have so enjoyed baking wedding cakes, anniversary cakes, and especially sharing my baking knowledge with Jonathan. It has even become a “family” affair when you do these things and it has been fun when even your dad and my wife-in-law join in.
I wish I could be around to see you when your grandchildren and great grandchildren see what a great person God has molded you into. I knew when I prayed that God would give me my baby girl that He had a plan for you. I just didn’t know how much.
I want you to know that I love you and I always will. God answers prayer and sometimes we have to wait for his answer and sometimes He answers pretty quickly. But, remember to always pray in detail. You don’t want to pray for just a car—ask for the specifics, like a van that seats 8, plenty of room to carry all of our equipment, dependable, good on gas. Because if you just ask for a car, you might end up with a two-seater sports car and you know that would never work.
Happy Birthday and Happy Mother’s Day
Mom
DR
5/6/11
You have made me happy for 40 years and blessed me with two wonderful grandsons. You’ve done a good job with those boys and I’m proud of them and you.
As you grow older, I want you to never stop believing in yourself and also that God is still in the Miracle Business. I have seen you grow in your walk with God and I so admire your dedication. I love seeing your creativity in everything that you—decorating, weddings,--just everything that you touch. Yes, you can do anything that you set out to do. You’ve even drawn me into part of that with my baking. I have so enjoyed baking wedding cakes, anniversary cakes, and especially sharing my baking knowledge with Jonathan. It has even become a “family” affair when you do these things and it has been fun when even your dad and my wife-in-law join in.
I wish I could be around to see you when your grandchildren and great grandchildren see what a great person God has molded you into. I knew when I prayed that God would give me my baby girl that He had a plan for you. I just didn’t know how much.
I want you to know that I love you and I always will. God answers prayer and sometimes we have to wait for his answer and sometimes He answers pretty quickly. But, remember to always pray in detail. You don’t want to pray for just a car—ask for the specifics, like a van that seats 8, plenty of room to carry all of our equipment, dependable, good on gas. Because if you just ask for a car, you might end up with a two-seater sports car and you know that would never work.
Happy Birthday and Happy Mother’s Day
Mom
DR
5/6/11
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)