Imaginary Worlds

A few years ago I made a speech at Toastmasters about my imaginary world. At that time, Charles was on Hospice and dying from cancer. One of the ways I coped with him dying and also my parents being sick was to play Farmtown on facebook. I made a lot of friends during that time. One of the things about Farmtown was I had a very large garden and people would harvest my crops. After they finished, our little avatars would stand in the field and talk. I still have a good friend in North Carolina and I’ve never met her, but I know her really well. I could pour my heart out to her and Charles could not hear all the pain I was in. It is very hard to watch someone slowly die right before your eyes. When I was growing up, I had another imaginary world. That world was in the books that I read. I could be anybody, go anywhere, and do anything my heart desired. My parents were very strict and wouldn’t let me out of the house. I made another speech at Toastmasters that I had led three lives. The first life was spent with my parents and I felt like I was in jail and when I married the first time it developed into prison and in my third life I escaped prison and married Charles. I always said he set me free. I became “me” for the first time in my life. Sometimes I miss having my imaginary world. For two years I was numb and could sit for hours and just stare. Right now I can’t imagine how I ever did that. I’m in the real world now and sometimes it’s a scary place to be. Sometimes I just want to revert back into an imaginary world—but right now I don’t know where that would be either. Do I sound confused? Well, sometimes I am. I still hit low times in my life, and I become the star of my pity party. Sometimes they last just a little bit too long, but then I realize that I am blessed and very fortunate with my health and my friends and family. Someone told me today that I had just started living again. Living again—it’s good to be living again! DR