Moving On

Today Charles’ tools and equipment started being moved out. I thought I could handle it, because it has been over four years since he died. For the first two years, I couldn’t even enter either of his two workshops. He spent so much time in both of them. Even now I can see him walking from one workshop to the other one. He finished his last clock for me in January before he died in March. I don’t know how he did it. I asked him why was he working so hard on another clock, and his response to me was, “I don’t want you to ever forget me.” How could I ever forget him. This is the man that before we got married, I told him there are two things I didn’t want in her marriage vows. He asked me what? I told him I would never be submissive and I would never obey. He looked at me and said, “I want you to learn to be independent and do things on your own.” Not only did he give me my freedom, but he did teach me how to be independent. Plus, it was easy to be submissive and obey, because we both took our marriage as 50/50. Toward the end of his last days, it felt like Christmas almost everyday. As long as he could order online, the Fed Ex and UPS trucks kept our driveway hot. He tried to get me everything that I had ever mentioned. The one thing that I did not want was the convertible. My Honda Accord was almost new. I didn’t want another car. But he insisted. He wanted me to have a “fun car.” I can tell you it wasn’t fun for me until two years after he died. I heard the song, “Man I feel Like a Woman” by Shania Twain and it made me feel happy. I had not had that feeling in a long, long time. I got my cousin next door and we made many trips with the top down, and each time we came home, I would say, “Thank you Charles for my fun car.” I know he must be smiling and saying, “Finally she’s getting her act together and getting out of that house.” He so wanted me to sell this house that we built together. Well, all I can say is that it is still emotionally hard for me to still say goodbye. Today I felt like part of my life was going down that driveway. But I have started moving on. DR 6/18/14