Jonathan

I was sitting here trying to do some work, but I keep thinking back to 17 years ago. Actually, a few months before that January 29, Christi asked me to go with her and Scott for her sonogram to find out what her baby was going to be. I knew this would be my only chance to have a granddaughter and I was totally convinced that the baby would be a girl. Well, it turned out that there would not be a granddaughter in my future--another boy! At the time I was devastated! Can you imagine, I was the one who was disappointed! Do you know how hard it is to buy for a boy? Well at that time it was. I don’t feel that way any more. Boys keep you updated on all the latest technology! Back to my story…. I used to crochet a lot and then I quit. I crocheted some things for Christopher and I decided that I would crochet a christening “dress” for number 2. It was beautiful and so feminine! Just the ideal dress for a little baby girl. After the initial shock, I was looking forward to Jonathan’s birth. We knew exactly the date he would be born because it had to be a caesarean. When I first saw Jonathan, I fell in love with him immediately. He had a head full of beautiful hair! He looked so much like Christi when she was first born. Well Jonathan did wear the christening dress when Scott and Christi dedicated him to God. The difference was he wore a little body suit underneath and he looked fine. Jonathan has grown into one of the best young men I’ve known. I know he’s my grandson and I am absoloutely prejudiced! I won’t deny it! But, he is a very responsible young man. Oh, did I mention that he is never at a loss for a girlfriend? He is a careful driver, works, manages his money, makes good grades, and is a junior in high school. He is planning to go to college to become an engineer—not sure what kind yet. Well, I go on and on, but the memories kicked in and I wanted to get some of them down on paper. Happy Birthday, Jonathan! I love you very much! DR 1/29/13

Hope Springs

One Sunday night I was checking my email on Match.com when a chat message came up. This guy wanted to chat and when that happens, I go back to their profile to see what they look like. I told him that he doesn’t even have his picture in his profile and besides he was younger than me. He told me that he didn’t have one to upload yet, and he’s only a few years younger. We chatted back and forth and he could throw out an answer as soon as I asked one. Yes, I liked that. He had a sense of humor that I could detect through our chatting. We chatted for maybe an hour or more and he said it was past his bedtime. We decided to go to lunch and a movie on Wednesday. The next morning he sent me a message and asked me to text him on his phone. I did with the message, now you have my cell phone number. He responded with, I gave you mine first. Yeah, I had to laugh. We started texting and he said, let’s get this over with today—you can see if you like the way I look. He said when I got finished with my appointment to text him and we would try to go to the afternoon movie. It worked out, and we agreed to meet at the theater. I arrived first and I telephoned my daughter to tell her that I was doing something that I never dreamed in a million years that I would do. She asked me what??? I told her about the chatting and now I’m sitting in the parking lot in front of the theater to meet someone I had no idea of what he looked like. She asked me what movie we were going to see and I told her “Hope Springs.” Well, she went ballistic—she said, Mom, that movie is full of sex! I said oh no, what am I going to do? I can’t go to a movie with somebody I’ve never met and see a movie full of sex. About that time he tapped on my window. I told Christi, he’s here! I’ve got to go. I hurriedly got out of my car and instead of saying who I am and letting him say who he was, I said, we can’t see this movie!!! He asked why and I told him my daughter said it was full of sex. Well, he just grinned and said well, we’re adults, and you said you wanted to see this movie. Surely we can handle it. I said okay and we went in. Oh, by the way, he looked great! After the initial shock, I looked at him to really see how he appeared. Well, my daughter was right! She really didn’t tell me everything, she let me find out for myself. Actually, the movie was really good and Tommy Lee Jones was great. We laughed through a lot of the scenes. Guess, it was better to laugh instead of crawling under the seats. Then the movie was over and he walked me to my car. He leaned over to give me a peck on the lips, and would you believe it, our lips STUCK! I was so embarrassed. We just kind of looked at each other and I got into my car and he went to his. I called my daughter to let her know everything was ok and he was ok and he looked fine. He was actually the humorous guy I thought he would be. She asked me about a “particular” scene and I told her it was ok even when Meryl Streep was practicing on a banana. Oh, you just don’t take someone you’ve never met to a sex-filled movie. About that time I got a text, “I believe our lips sticking together is a good sign, don’t you”? These are the comments that make me laugh. He could take an embarrassing moment and make it funny. Hum, kind of sounds like me. If you can’t laugh, just crawl up and die somewhere. Well, I’ve shared how I met someone for the first time, and it wasn’t the last time I saw him.. DR 1/27/13

Living in the Moment and Enjoying the Moment

I saw Jennifer Lopez this morning on I believe it was Good Morning America. I usually don’t watch tv of the morning, but they had predicted a winter storm warning and I was waiting for it to arrive. Anyway, during the interview she was talking about her new boyfriend who is 18 years younger than her. There was quite a discussion and how her mother felt about it and all, but then Jennifer made the comment that she had decided to just live in the moment and enjoy the moment. I’ve thought about that all day. How many times are we planning ahead? There’s always something that takes up our time besides actually living in the moment. Sometimes living in the moment is not an enjoyable time. But how many of us really and truly live and enjoy the moment? Today I kept thinking how much I wanted to get out, but when the trees started to look icy, I thought I’d better stay in. I decided to live in the moment and enjoy it. Chloe really enjoys living in the moment, especially when I’m home all day. What better friend can you have than your dog who has unconditional love for you? Toward the end of my husband’s life, he wanted to lay in bed and hold hands. I have to admit that it was one of the hardest things I ever did. I wish I could turn back time and actually live and enjoy those moments. It was all I could do to lay there and talk about things. I couldn’t wait to go to the living room and cry. Why do our emotions have to kick in like that? I sure didn’t want him to see me cry. Some of the things he told me was--after I’m gone, I want you to have fun. Yeah, right. How do you do that? He said I want you to go to lunch every day with one of your friends. He said I know how you love to meet your friends. You see, in the last six months of his life, I stayed home with him. I don’t regret it, but I can’t say that I enjoyed those moments. Looking back, I wish I could have enjoyed those moments with him. I know he enjoyed me staying with him. I don’t know why I am talking about this today, I don’t usually bring this up, but maybe there is somebody who needed to hear this. It was my first time to watch somebody die right before my eyes and I couldn’t do anything about it. If that is happening to you, live in the moment and enjoy each moment you still have with them. Now, the moments I really enjoy are the times I spend with my daughter and family. Last night I was over there and Scott and I decided to watch “Elementary”. We took turns sleeping through the entire hour. Christi got tickled. Scott snored, I hope to goodness that I didn’t. His snoring would wake me back up. But, I enjoyed every moment that I was there. Think about living in the moment and really enjoying it. Don’t look ahead about what you are going to do tomorrow or the next day. Live and enjoy now! DR 1/25/13

Winter Storm Warning

Yes, as always I am prepared to stay in again! All the schools are closed. Of course we told Jonathan that all Walker County schools are closed, but Ridgeland High School will start on time. I guess I’m believable….. I hope Christi told him different. It’s amazing how our entire city goes on shut down. I remember years ago when I worked at TVA, Charles had just relocated to the south. He asked me who Luther was. I told him I grew up with Luther. He said, but he’s saying get stocked up with milk, bread, and kerosene. Charles was used to snow and he was amazed how we are here. I have my wood ready for my woodburning stove in case the power goes off and plenty of candles. I even have a cot in that room. Chloe and I will stay warm. I sure hope that doesn’t happen though. I guess I’ll have plenty of time to reflect on what I can do to better my life. Seems like when I think I have everything figured out, I get thrown for a loop. Oh well, isn’t that what life is all about anyway? I still have a tendency to just stay in my house and not go anywhere, see anyone, talk to anyone, or even get out of my pajamas! Pity party! Do you have things in your own life that you just wish you didn’t do? Pity parties are what I wish I could throw away! I’m working on it, and I am doing better. I have a list made of all the things I am truly thankful for. Sometimes I have to read it several times to get it through my thick head. Well, I do have a crochet project I’m going to do. I would describe it, but I’m afraid it would surprise you what I’m doing. Yes, I think it will be my little secret. Of course the person I’m making it for is going to love it! I’ll have plenty of time to work on it tomorrow if we really do have the sleet, ice, and snow. I’m sure I’ll get it even if the valley escapes. Time to stop rambling. It helps me to put my thoughts on paper. It’s scary sometimes the things that go on in my head—not really! DR 1/25/13

Imaginary Worlds

A few years ago I made a speech at Toastmasters about my imaginary world. At that time, Charles was on Hospice and dying from cancer. One of the ways I coped with him dying and also my parents being sick was to play Farmtown on facebook. I made a lot of friends during that time. One of the things about Farmtown was I had a very large garden and people would harvest my crops. After they finished, our little avatars would stand in the field and talk. I still have a good friend in North Carolina and I’ve never met her, but I know her really well. I could pour my heart out to her and Charles could not hear all the pain I was in. It is very hard to watch someone slowly die right before your eyes. When I was growing up, I had another imaginary world. That world was in the books that I read. I could be anybody, go anywhere, and do anything my heart desired. My parents were very strict and wouldn’t let me out of the house. I made another speech at Toastmasters that I had led three lives. The first life was spent with my parents and I felt like I was in jail and when I married the first time it developed into prison and in my third life I escaped prison and married Charles. I always said he set me free. I became “me” for the first time in my life. Sometimes I miss having my imaginary world. For two years I was numb and could sit for hours and just stare. Right now I can’t imagine how I ever did that. I’m in the real world now and sometimes it’s a scary place to be. Sometimes I just want to revert back into an imaginary world—but right now I don’t know where that would be either. Do I sound confused? Well, sometimes I am. I still hit low times in my life, and I become the star of my pity party. Sometimes they last just a little bit too long, but then I realize that I am blessed and very fortunate with my health and my friends and family. Someone told me today that I had just started living again. Living again—it’s good to be living again! DR

Snow

Here I sit looking out my window again wondering if snow is truly coming. When I first heard the prediction this morning, my thoughts went back to the last winter that Charles spent with me. He was in a wheelchair by then and it snowed. It snowed several inches and I thought what am I going to do if he dies? Nobody can get here. It truly made me a nervous wreck. Instead of enjoying the beauty and peacefulness of the snow, I could only worry. By this time, Charles really didn’t worry about anything like that. He enjoyed the snow, but I couldn’t share with him my worries. Well, thank goodness when his time came, there wasn’t any snow and my worries were in vain. Charles told me many times that the things we worry about usually never come to pass. He always told me that I even worry about having nothing to worry about. He was right. I’ve always been a worrier. I try really hard not to worry and sometimes I’m pretty successful. Other times, well, not so successful. So, is the snow coming? I really don’t know. I’m in, I’m warm, I’m ready in case the power goes out. Oh, maybe I should go make some coffee to put in a thermos. I can conquer anything if I have enough caffeine! DR 1/17/13

Waiting

This morning I keep looking for the guys to show up to finish some work at my house and I suddenly thought that it seems like half of my life is spent waiting. I’m sure you probably have thought that also. We go to the doctor and what do we do? We wait. Not only do we wait in the waiting room, but they take you back into another room where you continue to wait. I’m always waiting on something or somebody. I have to tell you that I’m not the most patient person in the world. When I order something, I want it now, but I have to wait. Sometimes it seems like the waiting is endless, but in the end, it was worth the wait. I remember my dad told me years ago, the things in life that we want, sacrifices have to be made. That statement also applies to almost anything in our life and most of the time, it involves waiting. DR 1/16/13