Charles

After my mother died, I knew you didn’t have much longer, even though I wanted you to live forever. I finally gave in and ordered a hospital bed for you. Yes, it went downstairs in the same room where my mother died. You were there five days. Debbie stayed with you at night so I could get some sleep. Debbie went home to take a shower and you weren’t communicating with me very well. I put my arms around you and told you all of the things that you had worried so much about. I lied about a couple of things because I knew that they would get worked out eventually. I then told you that you had suffered enough and it was time for you to go. Those were the hardest words I have ever spoken. You were my life. I didn’t know how I would live one day without you. You were my best friend. I could tell you anything. You never judged me. When I thought things were so bad, you could always make me laugh. But this day, you were barely communicating. Oh how I loved you and I will love you until the day I die. We fell madly and passionately in love. I will never forget you or how you gave your love to me completely. Debbie came back and you wanted up. I sat on the side of the hospital bed and you were sitting in front of me. Debbie was sitting beside you on the couch. You took your feet and kept rubbing them over mine. Debbie said, look at that, Charles is still playing footsies with you. Oh, how I wish you could do that today! I only have the memories. We had Chloe only two weeks and you loved that little puppy. She was always so still when you held her. I took a picture of you holding her. I didn’t know that in two hours you would be gone. You were having trouble swallowing so I left to get your medicine. Debbie was staying with you. At six o’clock she told you she was going to get your medicine. She came back in less than five minutes and you had slid onto the floor. She called Leon to help get you back up. Leon knew immediately you were gone. I had gone back to WalMart because Access Drug was an hour behind on their compounding. I was on my way back to Access Drug when Leon called. He only asked me for the phone number for Hospice and I said he’s dead isn’t he? Leon couldn’t bring himself to tell me. I was driving and still had to come back up the mountain and he said he just couldn’t. I had Kristin with me. I then asked Leon if I needed to get your medicine and he said no, just come home. I told him I would call Hospice. I called Sharon direct and she told me she would take care of canceling your medicine and she would meet me back at the house. I then tried to call Father Bertin. I left him a message, and I drove back home. It didn’t really hit me what had happened until I opened the door and I saw you lying lifeless on the bed. I never thought that I would see you that way. We talked about it for 14 years. You had gotten sick when we were building this house. That’s another story in itself, but you lived to finish the top portion of our house so we could move in. I really thought you would never be able to do that. God let me have you another 14 years and I feel so blessed with that, but I really wanted you longer. I wanted to be the one to go first. Why did it have to be you? How was I going to live another day without you? Sharon came, Christi and Scott came. I wasn’t able to call anybody. I had to go down the mountain to bring Father George back up so he could do last rites on you. I learned later that Father Bertin had given you last rites the weekend my mother died. He wanted you to know what he was doing. You were special, you got last rites before and after you died. After the funeral home came to get you, I took Father George back down to his car. Christi rode with me. After we got back to my house, Christi and Scott left. Debbie had already gone home and it was just Leon and me sitting downstairs. Leon finally said he should go and would I be ok. I asked him if Debbie would mind coming back over and spend the night with me. He called her and Debbie came right over. We finally went to bed about 4 a.m. That is the only night I needed someone to stay with me. Yes Charles you taught me well. I knew everything I needed to do. I knew how to take care of myself. So here I sit three years later and I can remember that day and night just like it had happened yesterday. I’ll never forget it and I will never forget you. You were the great love of my life. DR 3/22/13