My Past

This evening I went to the funeral home. I don’t talk a lot about my past, but this was Joe who had died and I had known him since I was 16. All of his sisters were there, and it was like time had stood still. They still call me Aunt Diane. Darlene is the youngest sister and boy is she a talker. It’s so hard to believe that I still remember her as a little girl. In fact, all of them were really young back then. They wanted me to go back over to their mother’s house so we could talk. Of course their mother is now gone. When I drove up in front of the house, the memories came flooding back. I have to admit that it was depressing to me when I first walked in. That part of my life seems to have been blocked out of my memory. I don’t know why it affected me like that, but it soon went away because they pulled out old pictures and we sat and talked and drank coffee. Christi and Scott came over too. I told them that I gave a speech at Toastmasters that introduced me to the group and the title was “I’ve Led Three Lives.” My first life was growing up with my parents, the second life was my first marriage, and of course the third life was my life with Charles. I guess you could say that I am now in my fourth life. I’m not sure how to explain this current life because I’m still discovering who I am now. All of these nieces are from my second life. It was as if we had all been together all these years. It was a lot of fun to be with them again. Why do we let things stand in the way of seeing people from our past? I guess when you divorce you think those people don’t want to be around you anymore. Or maybe it was my feeling when I drove up in front of Juanita’s house, sadness overcame me. I have been through so much sadness, I try to steer away from it as much as possible. The funny thing is, you can’t avoid it. It is so sad that we only see some of these people when someone dies. Why can’t we see them at a happier time? I’m glad that I went and I’m so glad that I saw everyone. DR 7/18/13