Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, Plans to prosper you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I have depended on that verse for a long time, and now I’m really beginning to understand it. As I sat up and watched the “ball” drop in Times Square, I thought that 2012 is giving me a new start, a new beginning, and hope for the future.
I miss my husband, mother, and daddy, but I know that they are way happier now and that gives me peace. I have sat up at night worrying so much. For my dad who was left for a year and 9 months without my mother, I saw him so lonely. I know that feeling because I have it a lot. You can be with friends and even with my daughter and feel so alone. No one really knows this feeling until they have experienced it first hand. I have friends who have lost their husbands and I never really knew what they were going through. Yes, you see my “happy” face, but what you don’t see are my tears when I’m driving home to an empty house. I can sit here at my computer and see my husband everywhere—the clocks he made me, his chair and his computer right beside me and sometimes I can even feel his presence. If you’ve lost his spouse, you know what I’m talking about. But, we do have hope for the future. We are still here and our work here on earth is not done.
I hope I can help someone else who is experiencing what I have gone through for the past few years. I hope I can make their life easier. There are so many emotions that you go through and so much guilt that is associated with it. I can only say that I know that I did the best that I could. It’s similar to being a parent and you look back at all of the mistakes you made in raising your children. We didn’t get a handbook for this—we just do the best we know how and trust God that it worked.
DR
1/2/12
