It's Tax Time Again

Today my CPA called me and I told him that I was getting ready to call him to set up an appointment for my 2010 taxes. He told me he was doing my 2009 taxes and they will be ready next week. Now, let me explain what has happened. Last year I had an appointment and I completely forgot it because my mother’s funeral was on that day. Then two weeks later Charles died. I had so many things to do, I remembered in September of 2010. I took him all my stuff. He told me not to worry because I didn’t owe anything.

Today he told me he had a hard time looking over our taxes because he just can’t believe that Charles is gone. He always looked forward to seeing Charles come in because he would be so funny. I shared with David how happy Charles was to die and he wanted me to be happy and have fun after he was gone. I told him that Charles had tried to have things repaired and he also kept ordering me things that I would say that I would like to have. The UPS and FedEx drivers kept our driveway hot until Charles wasn’t able to get into the computer and order anything else. David told me that he sees a lot of couples and he could truly say that Charles really loved me and I was Charles’ crown jewel. You know, Charles always told me how much he loved me and that I had no concept of how much that was. I can say now, looking back, that he did love me more than I had ever realized.

I’ve had a rough few days because every month on the 22nd, I think of him. Now it has been 10 months. How the time has flown and yet it has crept along. Yes, I have made it and yes, I know I’m all right. No, I don’t like this new life, but I have adjusted. I’m not a quitter and I know that life is just different. Charles taught me a long time ago that we face a lot of life’s challenges and it’s how we deal with them or if we can correct them. This life without my soulmate is just something I’m learning to deal with. I actually like living alone. Well, I’m not completely alone. I have this little Yorkie who drives me insane sometimes. I’m so glad that Charles insisted on getting her. When I’m sad she acts like she understands. Yes, I know it sounds crazy, but animals do have instincts. She has even licked my tears and that makes me laugh.

I read on Facebook today about someone who would like to go back in their lifetime and be at a time period when they thought they were happiest. Yes, I would love to go back too, but we learn with each new experience. We are who we are with each decision that we make—whether it ‘s a good choice or a bad choice. We can’t go back—we can only go forward.

Well, it’s tax time again.

Dr
1/24/11

Clocks

Today the Klockit catalog came in the mail. As I thumbed through it, I remembered how we would choose a new clock to be made. It was so exciting to know that I would get another clock. Most people hang pictures on the wall and I’ve always joked about how many clocks I have hanging. It seems there are so many things that still remind me of you, and yet I can’t seem to remember even the sound of your voice. I will play some of our videos so I can hear your voice again.

Several of these catalogs have come since you died, and each time I wish you were still here. I’m glad this one doesn’t have one that makes me want it. The only clock I wish you could have made me was a cuckoo clock and we just never spent enough time trying to figure out which one we liked.

Well, I have many clocks to remember you by and nobody will ever be able to take your place. I miss you.

DR
1/16/11

Another Year Gone - 2010

It is now 25 minutes until 2011 begins. I so hope that the new year will be better than 2010. As I look back, there was so much sadness. I wouldn’t take anything for the time I was able to spend with Charles before he died. This time last year, Charles and I were waiting for 2010 to begin. When midnight came, Charles said, well, I made it to 2010. This year, I am awaiting the new year with my my daughter and family, and my cousins, Ginger and Kristin. How different my life has become.

I’m glad that the holidays are going to be finally over and my depression may get better. I have many things to be thankful for:

• My dad is still alive and doing ok
• My daughter got a job this past year and is doing well
• My grandson, Christopher, has already completed one semester of college
• My other grandson, Jonathan, has made it to high school
• I have cousins and an aunt who live next to me who watch out for me and help me
• Of couse I have been able to help some others this past year
• Charles left me in a comfortable position—my house is paid, my car is paid, my truck is paid—and I get a nice monthly income from Charles
• I have a wonderful little Yorkie, Chloe, who has kept me from being lonely
• I have already been snowed in and my power stayed on
• I have had a couple of closings and even wrote an offer today
• My mother did not suffer and was happy when she died
• Charles did not suffer and was ready to die
• I am learning to be happy again

My list could go on and on, but I needed to write down a few things to remind me how God has blessed me through all of the sorrow and sadness. I’ve learned that it’s ok to grieve.

What does the year 2011 hold for us? I don’t know, but I’ll just take one day at a time and live it to the fullest.

DR
12/31/10