Another Birthday

Well, I’ve made it to another birthday without you, Charles. I never thought that I could make it one day without you and now it has been over a year. Looking back, I’m glad that you taught me so many things and I’m so thankful for all of the talks we had. We had a lot of health scares in the last 14 years of your life and each time we would get out all of the papers to make sure that I would be ok after you were gone. We even joked about your new “apartment” up on the mantle. Now, I look at the mantle and you are there in your new “apartment.” Well, you’re really not right there, I know you must be dancing all over heaven and having the time of your life.

I have so many things to be thankful for. Since last year, I finally got on that new weight plan you wanted me to do—not so much to look better but so that I would be healthier and live longer. Losing weight has helped me get off one of my blood pressure pills and hopefully next year I’ll be off of them completely. I have learned that I actually love my new life, although I miss you terribly. I never know when something will happen that will make me cry uncontrollably, but at least I am here and only Chloe sees me. I do believe that dog really wants to talk to me and just can’t.

I love spending time with Christi and I have found new joy in spending time with my grandsons. I have loved baking and cooking with Jonathan and I do hope that he does become a wonderful Chef. I never knew that two boys growing up in the same household could be so different, but I am thankful for Christopher’s outgoing personality and I know that whatever part of the ministry he goes into, he will do well. I admire my son-in-law, Scott, for the part he takes in taking his mother to work and now to her chemo treatments. I know how hard that can be.

Life is full of challenges and I’m so glad that Charles taught me that I’m not always being punished when something “bad” happens. The word “challenge” seems so much better than “problem”. I always loved that when a new challenge came up, we talked about if we could solve it or is this a challenge we need to just deal with or cope with. The biggest challenge for us was when your cancer came back. Yes, it was hard to watch someone die and there was nothing anyone could do—but this is life. From the moment we are born, we know that someday we will die. Everyone gets their turn. I saw first hand how God can give “dying grace” and you were so happy until the day you died. I just couldn’t understand why or how you could be so happy when it was the end of the world for me. I know that my life is not finished here yet, and I’m still searching to know what I’m supposed to do. I do know that God has given me peace.

Well, another birthday—what lies in the year to come? I’m excited to find out.

DR
4/12/11